• Relationships Aren’t 50-50. More Like 60-40

  • Often times when speak to other couples you hear the term “Well you know… Relationships are 50-50”.  What people are saying in that sentence is that both partners in a relationship have equal say in everything that happens.

    “Truly relationships are more like 60-40, subject dependent. What this means is that depending on the importance of the subject for each person, the 60-40 split is created.“

    Joaquin Martinez Jr.

    This statement got me to think a while ago, and as I went back on past relationships that I know personally, have worked with professionally, or read about, it dawned on me that nothing about those relationships were truly 50-50.

    Let me start this part by saying that while I do not believe relationships are truly 50-50, I also do not believe that one person should be in the words of our 43rd President Bush “The Great Decider”.

    I do not believe that one person should take charge of everything that makes up a relationship. That builds natural resentment for each other, where one person feels like they are never heard or understood and the other person feels as though they carry the entire weight of a relationship.

    Truly relationships are more like 60-40, subject dependent. What this means is that depending on the importance of the subject for each person, the 60-40 split is created. Lets use examples for this.

    When my wife and I bought our car last year, we had very different things that were important to us. For me it was important that we were looking for a reliable car that would meet our needs of our increasing family without buying a van. For her it was important that she would be comfortable in the car that we bought.

    The first part of looking up different cars and theirs secs was 60-40 for me because that was more important for me. After I narrowed down the list of possible cars that would fit my list of importance, she then came in and inserted her 60-40 on that part of the decision because that what was most important to her.

    Eventually we ended up with a car that we were both happy about but nothing in this decision process was 50-50. It was 60-40 the entire way just shifted at times based on level of importance.

    So next time you two are going out to eat or are trying to watch something on Netflix, try using the 60-40 split based on who this subject matters more to in this moment.

    Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash