• 3 Reasons Why A Baby Won’t Save Your Relationship

  • You feel like your relationship is in a bad place, your not sure what to do. You want to make this work but things haven’t been working lately. You feel alone in a house with another person.

    I speak to many couples who have experienced similar experiences in their relationship and at some point the solution becomes to have a baby.

    The reality is that if your relationship has already been in difficult places before a baby, the odds are that a baby will not change that but actually magnify those difficulties.

    Here are 4 ways to keep your relationship fresh with a baby

    A baby is an amazing little person that will bring it’s happiness to you, but you should not put pressure on a baby to change your relationship.

    Here are 3 reasons why a baby won’t save your relationship.

    1.A baby won’t improve communication

    One of the biggest concerns that people in relationships often express is difficulty  with communication. The thought process is that, because you have difficulty with your communication now, once a baby arrives you two will be forced to communicate thus improving your communication.

    The reality is that while you do have to have some sort of communication, a baby creates a space where communicating can be more difficult, especially during the first year. You were already practicing ineffective communication strategies before the baby.

    Once the baby arrives there will not be a magic switch that let’s you learn how to communicate better.

    One way communicate better is by jumping into each other’s reality and truly listening to each other. Click here for in-depth explanation.

    2. A Baby won’t give you the attention you are looking for

    A baby will require loads of attention and no matter if you are the main care taker or not, a baby will end up giving you tons of attention because you are the parent. While that is great, the attention you are truly looking for is from your spouse, not your baby.

    The thought that a baby will be able to replace your spouse’s lack of attention towards you will make you create loose boundaries with your baby treating them more like friends rather than your child.

    A better way to address this lack of attention is to confront the feeling head on using your feeling words without blaming the other person. Then listening to their feelings because if you are feeling as if you have no attention, your spouse is having some intense feelings on their side too.

    3. A baby won’t love you the way you are looking for

    Similar to the attention piece, often times new parents believe that the love they are lacking from their spouses will be replaced by the love they receive from their baby. While a baby will surely provide you with a level of love you have yet to feel, that level of love will never truly replace the level of love your are seeking from your spouse.

    I have seen couples where a baby actually brought about resentment towards each other because both felt as if the other person loved the baby more.